First time

OK, so here goes. While I have been blogging for a while on CaringBridge, this is my first actual "blog". I stopped posting on Caring Bridge since Cash's journey was over. But this is a way for me to continue on with my ramblings. Read them if you want, but please remember they are just my ramblings and my therapy. For those of you who are just joining us I probably need to let you know a little about myself. First of all, I am a Christian. I am also a wife, mother and daughter and try my hardest to live in a way that makes my Heavenly Father proud as well as live a life that makes my family and friends here proud. I don't shove my beliefs down anyone's throat, because I still have a lot of growing and learning to do. Sometimes these blogs will contain scripture that means a lot to me and sometimes it may just be a rant about traffic or someone's comments for the day. I find it funny that writing was the one subject I struggled the most with in school but now that I am not getting a grade for it, it is pretty easy for me to do. I titled the blog random thoughts, because I have a lot of random thoughts. So let's get started. Random things you might need to know about me.
I have a 5 year old daughter. She is my payback but makes me laugh everyday. I just lost my 15 month old son to cancer and am still trying to understand my new reality. I hate cancer. I will repeat that last statement randomly. I love my husband although he infuriates me because he is just as stubborn as I am. I am fiercely protective of my family and will become a "momma bear" when I feel anyone is trying to come between me and my child or me and my husband. I believe that marriage is forever. My sister is the one person I want the most when I get stressed out because she is the one person that can make me laugh the fastest. I am jealous of my sister's beauty, intelligence and her ability to make friends easily. I am very careful who I let in my life and I am very careful what I share with anyone. I now find the last statement ironic since I am creating a blog. I have a very sarcastic sense of humor. I have VERY serious control issues. I am very proud of my family heritage and proud of my family history. I am not impressed by celebrity. I could care less how much money you make or how many autographs you sign, I am more impressed with what you have done with the talent God has given you to help others. I don't care if I make you mad. Well I might care a little, control issues and everything. I don't cry easily. My mom's voice is "the voice in my head". I still need my dad's approval. I need my mom's approval more. I'm always afraid of hurting my sister's feelings. I get frustrated at people who take their children for granted. I have to work more on forgiving people. I can forgive people that hurt me. I can't forgive people that hurt my family. I think my daughter is the coolest person to ever be. I never get tired of her laugh. My son was the best snuggler I ever held. He would only rub noses with me, and I love that he would only do that with me. I know what I believe in and I know what my values are and I hate it when these are questioned. I will have no regrets at the end of my time here on earth. I am still very protective of my sister. I used to not be a hugger, but I am becoming one. I only cry when I am alone. I have a very loud laugh. I hate cooking. I love organizing. I am a klutz, which is really why my daughter's middle name is Grace. Seriously. I know who my true friends are. I found this out the hard way. I was surprised by some of them. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe God loves me unconditionally, and I am very thankful for that. I believe I still have a lot of learning to do about being a Christian. I am not scared to stand up for my mom, dad, sister, husband, daughter, or any other family members, but question standing up for myself, sometimes.
I think that is enough for the first one. Again, for those of you new to my random thoughts, I usually close my thoughts, by asking for specific prayers. I will continue to do this. It's who I am. I don't use last names without permission, and sometime even with permission I still won't use last names. God still knows who they are.
Kaden - pray for a clear MRI
Shannon - pray for peace
My family - peace and understanding

Keep praying - Stacie