Sunday, June 20, 2010

Somebody actually had the audacity to say to me "why are you taking a vacation, you just had a bunch of time off". REALLY? WHATEVER! So anyway, we leave for 3 days then come home and HAVE to get the girls' room ready. We start our classes soon so that means our homestudy could happen at anytime and I HAVE TO HAVE EVERYTHING DONE. Jason and I said today, that means that in just 2 months, we could be done with everything and be ready to bring our daughter home.
We are going to clinic and the hospital tomorrow. We are taking some pull tabs to the clinic for a friend of ours, bandaids for the kiddos, and goodies for Cash's girlfriends. Part of me still really feels the need to be there. I guess this is normal.
I find I have no patience for stupidity or ignorance these days. Maybe this will pass soon. I also have absolutley no patience for people who scream hateful things at their children. I never really have, but it has been a very low tolerance level lately. So no WalMart for me for a while. '
OK here comes the soul bearing moment. I feel really bad for admitting this but here goes. I am having trouble praying. I can pray with my brain, but have a hard time praying with my heart. Does this make sense? I am getting better, and I think that being able to admit this means I am realizing this is something I need to work on. I know that the devil has been taking advantage of this situation and that just makes me mad, that I have allowed my self to become weak when I shouldn't have allowed it. I can't even say I'm mad at God, I just don't know how to explain it. I guess I want my answer to "Why" and I know its not my question to have answered yet, but my type-A personality doesn't accept that. I am getting better. I find that I pray better on the back of the bike when Jake and I go for rides. Those loud pipes seem to help drown out the other thoughts and I can pray with my heart then.
So prayers please. For me.
Prayers for us and a safe journey, and prayers that God places a child with us that is an "easy" fit for them and us. We know whatever child we get is one that God knows should be with us.
Thanks for everything!

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