So, we finally have our dates for our classes to teach us how to be parents. Hahahahaha. Actually, its what they are, but it is how to teach us to be parents to children that have been removed from their home or how to adjust from foster care to a "forever family". So now that this is moving super fast, we have to rearrange some of our remodeling plans. We were going to take a fireplace out of our living room that is for decoration only and then redo what will be the girls' room this fall. So now, we are redoing the girls' room first and then removing the fireplace. I ordered the bunkbeds today and hopefully will paint the bedroom in a couple of weeks. We are going to paint the bottom part of the bedroom mint green and the top part will be pink and white striped. I didn't think we would have to move this fast but since we have our classes scheduled that means we will have the "big" 2 hour homestudy soon. In the mean time, I have to start getting our family book ready. This is a book that tells a young girl or our case worker about our family, who the grandparents and great grandparents are, who are friends are and what we like to do. So I am asking everyone to pray that God will place a child with us that is the one that He sees needs to be here.
Our Memorial Day weekend has been very busy, with Jason's 20 year class reunion and a lot of family time. Now, today, we are catching up on all the cleaning we haven't been able to get done over the weekend. I NEED MY HOUSE TO BE IN ORDER!!! I still feel the affects of the surgery I had, so I am frustrated that I can't just clean my house without taking a break about every 15 minutes. But this is just minor. I hope you all had a great weekend!

Gall Bladder

OK, so first of all, little did I know that when I posted my last blog, I would have my gall bladder out so soon. Apparently, it was not functioning at all and needed to come out now. So I had that done on Wednesday, and found out that my body HATES pain medications. I felt better Thursday but spent all day Friday thinking I was going to have to go back to the hospital. So now that all of the meds are out of my system I feel so much better. I think it is extremely funny it looks like I have two bellybuttons now. So a word of advice to all of my cancer mom's out there. Take good care of yourselves when you are knee deep in this battle. Your body will make up for the abuse later. UGH! That's all for tonight.

Wow, what a busy time it has been! With all of the end of school year things, we have been busy busy busy! Haylie's dance recital is tonight, plus she has has her last day of school next week. Since my last post, a lot has happened. Our little friend Sicily, joined Cash in heaven. My heart aches for her parents, but they are strong in their faith, which will help them a lot. We all, us and my parents, attended the Tough Enough to Wear Pink, event at Remington Park and got to see some of our friends. Asher is getting sooooo big and is doing so good, and our little next door neighbor, (when we were in the hospital for 21 days) Hayley was their and doing so good. Her hair is starting to grow back and she is getting to start the maintenance phase of her chemo. We had a chance meet Linda Webb, Ally's mom from Ally's house and that was wonderful!
I haven't posted because I have been very angry and I didn't want my post to be just ugly. Here is one thing I am going to say. I have been having a real hard time lately dealing with some things. I want to look at people and say, "Really? This is what you are griping about?" "Your life is so little that you have to gripe about THIS?" I am having a hard time feeling sorry for people that are griping about having to stand in line with their kids, not being able to get anything done because they are tired, or NEVER saying anything nice or positive. This never used to bother me before but now, I just want to look at them and say, you know, I'm not going to sympathize with you. You have NOTHING to be upset about.
OK enough about that. We have a lot planned this summer for some fundraising for some organizations. Our Relay for Life event is July 10. We are having a toy drive and fundraiser July 17 for the children at Children's Hospital. Then, we are having the Gold Ribbon Ride on September 11 for Ally's House. Plus on top of this, here is the official announcement, we are getting ready to adopt a girl. We have completed our initial paperwork, done a preliminary background check, had our first home visit, and now we are going to sign up to take our classes and then we will have 2 more home visits and THEN hopefully we will be ready to move forward, but somewhere in all of this, I have to have my gallbladder taken out. It has decided to stop working. It's probably from eating hospital food and vending machine food for 6 months out of the past year. UGH! But you know me, if I'm not going at 90 mph and have a purpose, I'm just not happy. So, my new goal in life is to make everyone more aware of Childhood Cancer and to tell Cash's story and the story's of his friends, the survivors and the angels. God blessed me with a loud voice and an extroverted personality for a reason I guess.
I will try to post more, but for tonight that's all. Time to get the princess ready for her recital......

Haven't been on much - Sorry! I had a rough day on Wednesday. Someone once told me the grief would just hit right out of the blue for no reason. Me, being the type-A planner that I am thought "no way!". It does. It is overwhelming, I can't even explain how it feels. It is just this sudden heart ripping pain, and crying that won't stop and anger, and wanting to scream at the top of my lungs that THIS ISN'T FAIR!!! Oh my gosh, it was just unbelievable. I don't want to do it again. I am a very positive person and I don't get overly emotional about things, and this was all types of emotions that I had no control over. It all lasted about 15 minutes but, trust me, that was long enough. Luckily, it didn't last into the next day, it was over with. Thank goodness.
I am finally almost finished with the thank you notes, I think it will be right around 250 to 300 that get sent out. I have to get that done by this weekend. It's starting to warm up so I know we will start being gone more on the weekends doing things with Haylie. She got to spend the night with some friends on Thursday night and made it all the way through the night!!!! This was a big step for her. She hasn't been able to stay the night since Cash passed away.
On an awesome note, I went to give blood on Thursday and found out that I am CMV negative. That means that I my blood is considered "baby blood" and will only be given to babies. This is so cool, because when Cash had to get blood he had to get 90, Leuko-depleted, irradiated, CMV negative, O Positive. So score, I can give blood and it might go to ped's cancer patients!
Please pray for our dear friends the Zeka's. Their precious daughter Sicily is starting her journey home and her family needs prayers for peace and understanding. They have a strong faith in the Lord and are as comfortable as they can be with this part of things. They have watched Sicily fight much longer than we witnessed Cash's fight, and they know that Sicily will be going home. My momma heart aches for them, but my Christian heart is rejoicing knowing that God will soon be receiving another one of His most wonderful creations.
Keep praying!

Just a quick post tonight. I had a friend of mine post something awesome on her caringbridge and I tried to copy it over here, well, apparently my brain is fried from actually being at work for almost 2 full weeks and I couldn't get it pasted so I will try to do it later.
It has been a very eventful week. They had a fundraiser for us on Saturday and the turnout was awesome! We were absolutely amazed at the number of people that showed up. It was a woman's 6-on-6 bb tournament. It was so much fun to watch!
On Monday I found out that someone had taken Cash's temporary marker from his grave site, so I put a little notice out on facebook, needless to say, the next day it had reappeared. Jason and I received our thumbies today. These are silver pendants that have Cash's hand print engraved in them. They look so good! I'm so happy we went ahead and ordered them. We have been keeping ourselves very busy in the evenings as this still seems to be the roughest time for us. We are both working out now at the gym, and I have found it is a great way to take out my frustrations.
That's all for tonight, I am getting ready to head to the gym for my evening workout and girl time.
Keep praying!

What a busy week it has been. About Wednesday I was able to finally get back into the swing of things at work and work somewhat at full speed. I found out two very sad pieces of news this week. My friend Shannon's little boy Kaden has relapsed and he now has a second tumor in his brain. He is the little boy that has the same type of cancer that Cash had. Also, this week I finally got caught up on some Caring Bridge sites and our dear friend Sicily has also relapsed. My heart is absolutley breaking for these two children. It just infuriates me that children are dying from this disease. How does this happen? I don't understand why this is happening and why there isn't more research done for pediatric cancer. Well, I know why, because there isn't any money for pediatric cancer research. OMG, come on! WHY,WHY,WHY! OK enough for my rant.
I can't really tell if I am having a hard time with this or not. I am really avoiding looking at Cash's pictures, so I don't know if that is normal or not. We are staying super busy and we haven't really been home a lot, so I think that is helping with some things. I know we can't do this forever, because I will tell you by Thursday night, I was pretty worn out. Today we are going to a woman's 6 on 6 basketball tournament the women of Major County have organized to help raise money for us for Cash' medical expenses. Yesterday I found it bizarre that I recieved sympathy cards in the mail and bills from OU. I don't know why I thought it was weird. I mean the bills aren't going to stop just because Cash isn't here anymore. I dreamt all night about bills coming in. Of course when I get medical bills in I analyze them against the insurance company's EOB and make sure the insurance company paid correctly and the billing department has billed me correctly. So all night in my dreams I was analyzing Cash's medical bills. UGH.
Last night we went to Cafe Bahnoff in Waynoka to eat German food for Jason's birthday. We had a great time!!!! The food was wonderful, the beer was great and the company was fantastic. Because Jason and I haven't been able to spend any time together just the two of us for the past 7 months, we have taken advantage of little times when we can. Last Saturday we had Jason's mom watch Haylie so we could go out and eat and then go get groceries. Doesn't sound like much of a date night to some people, but for us it was great. For the last 7 months all of my energy has gone to taking care of Cash and making sure Haylie's life was somewhat normal. When this happens something gets left out! I have to tell you I can't remember the last time we went out to eat and it was just the two of us. I really enjoyed it.
Well, that's all for right now, I have to get the princess a bath and get ready to head to Fairview to watch some basketball.
Keep praying !

Wow!! A full workday after almost a month off of work, I am pooped!! I was able to kind of jump back into the swing of things, but I know I wasn't at my previous 100%. I'm hoping I start picking back up this week. Haylie had a great day at school and dance, Jason had a great day at work, tonight we are getting ready to go to the gym. I have to get healthy and get back in shape. It's going to be a busy week both personal and professional. I have a luncheon tomorrow for nursing students and then I have to go to settle up some things with Cash's arrangements. This weekend is Jason's birthday, and the benefit basketball game for Cash. Sunday we are getting ready for the festicle next weekend and have to get ready for another work week. Ahhhh, normal.